He came and picked me up in a black BMW with a driver. Who in Kosovo has a driver?! Not even in Sweden men picks me up with a driver. I looked over my shoulder to see if any haters could spot me getting into the car cause the last thing I need now is a rumor about me being so posh that I even have my own personal driver, and even worse, a BMW!
They say a lot of things about me these haters. That I’m a snob feminist for example. I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but never a snob. I have WISHED I’VE BEEN more than one time. Sometimes it has just sucked too much to be a starving bipolar artist.
At least I’m an activist now, not as poor as before, but I had to put all my money on the event – meaning these last weeks I’ve been eating this cold puré of overcooked pasta mixed with brown can food. Made me think about the pensionaries in Sweden that eat cat food.
So I only had 3 euros when I got into that car and the only reason I could go on that date was because I’m in Kosovo. In Sweden you could never go on a date as a woman expecting the man to pay for everything. If a man buys you a beer in Sweden you should even be suspicious something is not be right with him. Maybe chlamydia!
So yeah, I expected him to pay for everything which I feel ashamed of, but my yearning for sex Saturday night conquered my feminist values. At least I promised him next time that I will pay.
So, this party that everyone is talking about is my Feminist Birthday Party. I honestly didn’t calculate to make it into something controversial. I just wanted a big party open for everyone, free of charge and with a feminist theme to attract like minded people. So I created it.
BAAM – hate starts pouring in on my social media accounts. Judgement, name calling and bullying.
And why? Because I chose the wrong venue. The venues I have chose have been “too snobbish”, “too expensive”. Apparently I should have been at Dit e Nat or Termikiss. And because I tried to make it affordable through tickets (10 euro for food and 3 drinks) that you could pre book? Apparently the worst idea since the plane that never flew. Dear God.
The very reason why I tired to make a good deal from the start was because I wanted to make the event inclusive and affordable. Negotiate a good deal for the guests. But I did it “in the wrong way”.
I have this routine that whenever someone is criticizing me I invite them for coffee so that I try to understand things from their perspective. However, until now no one of these critics has seemed interested in meeting for a real conversation based on willingness to understand and seek for ways to cooperate. Easier to sit behind a screen and just write hurtful things to me.
And actually the tickets was the restaurants idea. Eventually I managed to make another deal with them so that we will get beer for 1,5€ and wine for 2€. Maybe I should create a huge banner saying “THE FUCKING BEER WILL BE 1,5€ YOU ASSHOLES” and put it on Grand Hotel.
There are some really childish people with way too much time to write bullshit about me on Facebook, and it has been shocking for me, but still most people here are still waaaaay nicer than Swedish people. Actually we are not nice at all. We are well educated, we know how to decorate our apartments in white, send our old people to nursing homes and yes, we can fuck, but nice – No.
And I wouldn’t call Sweden fun either. Like a famous TV anchor here said “Sweden is like one big IKEA. It’s functional, everything works, BUT IT’S BORING!!!”
I wanted to punch him in the face, but then I realized he was right. Sweden is not a fun place.
Behgjet Pacolli’s advisor tells me I’m the Isabella Löwengrip of Kosovo. She’s the first blogger in the world, she’s one of the riches entrepreneurs in Sweden, has her own beauty brand and clothing brand, owner of multiple companies and she’s a self-made millionaire.
I don’t know how much we really have in common really. Definitely nothing financial. And she’s really into fashion and I think fashion is a conspiracy. I actually hate fashion. I wanna throw blood at fashion! But what she does is that she creates interest in all she does on social media, she’s a motherfucker when it comes to marketing and she has passion like very few people.
And actually, she has started programs in Africa for women. I don’t know what really, but I think way more interesting that fashion at least.
If I was rich like Isabella Löwengrip I would eat oysters every day and I would get Tinder Plus. My friend in Stockholm has it and he gets laid every weekend.
If I only had more time to look for men, because I’m working every day, and you really have to look hard here. Either they still play computer games or they are married.
And then when you finally find someone and you have slept with them, they want to talk, text, call and meet all the time. The phone is almost burning up – that’s how much they text. And then they wanna make plans. One man even asked me if we could change schedules and plan the rest of the year together! I picked him up in a bar 3 in the morning. All I wanted was a few hours, not the rest of the year!
However I have to admit that I liked that he made a mug for me with my face on it. I drink of it every day, look at my own face and feel thankful for those weird things in life.
But there’s one thing I’m more thankful for. Orgasms.
If a Sweden if a man doesn’t give a woman an orgasm during sex it becomes embarrassing and he has to compensate buy going out and buy pizza in 20 minus degrees. Here it’s more like the standard and it seems like they don’t even reflect on it.
Women have also told me that men think they are sluts if they enjoy sex and take a lot of initiatives. I mean men here even write to me and tell me I will get raped for even mentioning sex.
My friend is a doctor from here who collected condoms to bring to the villages. They were all destroyed by a woman who thought it should be God’s will if a woman gets pregnant. There are a lot of women in the rural areas of Kosovo that don’t have access to either birth control or safe abortions. They go to clinics, because they don’t feel comfortable going to the big hospitals.
There are so many reasons why we need to speak about sex more in this world. Because the more awareness we get about sex, the more we learn about consent which directly leads to fewer rapes and more safety and freedom for women.
Or like in Sweden where it leads to more reported rapes. Sweden is the country that has the highest rape statistics in Europe. One of the highest in the world after some African countries. However, this is not because Swedish men rape more, it’s because Swedish women report more.
The stigma around sex here is so strong. Still I believe that we as women, and all genders and sexual orientations, always should be allowed to express our bodies and sexualities in the way we want to. We need to at least try, otherwise we will never be free.
Do you know The Dinner Party by Judy Chicago for example? A 770 square meters HUGE art piece in the shape of triangle dinner table full of plates representing female heroes in western civilization in the shape of vaginas. Men in the American congress were so upset about it that they wanted to ban her art. Women in power and something as natural as a vagina – WRONG. While playboy was the Pornhub of the 70’s, and do you think these men were as upset about women in Playboy?
My favorite feminist artist Judy Chicago about another piece, The Birth Project:
A modern example of this misogynist double standard sort of sexism:
Why is that we don’t even notice the huge sexist energy drink posters in the middle of Pristina (or the ones in other countries), or that we don’t think there’s anything wrong when women are portrayed like powerless sex objects in music videos or that nothing about PornHub (full of rape and trafficking) really upsets us, BUT when we see a woman being a subject – portrayed like the owner of her body and sexuality – like in this video below – then many people think it’s offensive and wrong?
What do you think of the Swedish pop artist Tove Loo’s masturbation scene in one of her self-directed music videos?
(Uppskattade du detta eller något annat inlägg? Överväg då att stödja bloggen via Swish (0702592670). Ditt stöd gör att jag kan skriva här oftare och längre.)
My name is Mirja Lakso. I am a writer... 