It started with him helping me with work. Him taking me places so I could interview people and do research about the coronavirus in Kosovo.
But then I was like – wow, this guy is actually really nice. He is funny, he is handsome and he seems to be very unmarried which is like winning the lottery here.
I had this rule when I came to Kosovo that I was not going to get involved with any politician or former KLA guerilla fighter or wait – aren’t they the same thing?
There is a lot of confusion in the politics in Kosovo. Like who’s the Prime Minister really? Changes kind of fast.
My first day in Kosovo I met with the former Prime Minister Ramush Haradinaj, but he was not the Prime Minister anyone but people still called him Prime Minister.
Then the election happened and there was a new Prime Minister, Albin Kurti – the first left guy in Kosovo since the war, not with a past of fighting in KLA like many of the other politicians.
Scandinavian bounding
A few days after I was at a party and some people wanted to introduce me to the Prime Ministers wife. And Albin Kurti’s wife is Norwegian so I became so excited and started this super intense Scandinavian female bounding.
“So nice to finally meet you! Congratulations! I have looked forward to meeting you ever since I got here! You are Norwegian and I am Swedish, why don’t we start with Sunday brunches here in Pristina just like in Sex and The City!?”
Oh dear, the cocktails at that party were way too good. I just went on and on until people started pulling my arms. Anita just looked at me and some poor woman had to explain it was not that Prime Minister’s wife, it was the other Prime Minister’s wife.
So confusing!!! But everyone just laughed and it was no big deal. And that’s one of the things I like about Kosovo. This place is not stiff like the stiffest country on earth, Sweden.
Sweden is so stiff that if you say hello to a person in the store or a bar or on the streets that person will think you just escaped from some mental institution.
Sweden, and especially Stockholm is all about decorating your white, bright, light apartment, buy eco-friendly food because everyone else is, take yourself very seriously, and try to avoid other people as much as possible.
That’s why they don’t need rules about social distancing. They have been practicing for decades already.
Swedish politics is fucked up too
And Swedish politics looks quite organized from the Balkans, but actually, it’s entirely fucked up. The second biggest party is The Sweden Democrats a nationalistic far-right party with its roots and founders in racism.
Here are some other things that have been said by the party members:
“Arabs are driven by hatred, a wish to die” – Kent Ekeroth
“Rape is an expression of Islamic culture” – Richard Jomshof
“I’m saying that Islam doesn’t belong in Sweden. That religion should be kept outside the countries borders” – Thoralf Alfsson
Now the Arabs are showing their true faces, as raw, primitive half humans” – Karl Otto Hultrström
“People who comes from south of the Alps are unwanted, as I see it.” – Arne Steen
And this is a party Swedes vote for, a fifth of the population. Well obviously not these statements, but this party with this crazy people in it, even if some have been excluded.
We might not have the Kosovo chaos with parties bringing the government down. Yes, Albin Kurti only served 51 days as a Prime Minister and now the new Prime Minister will be Avdulla Hoti.
And we might not have this situation where we don’t know what will happen really or if people will accept the government.
BUT YES, we have a fucked up political situation too. Sweden is not this perfect country that many here view it as.
I’m not gonna say much about him
So yeah, back to the Fli guy. The problem is I’m not allowed to speak about him because of his job.
So what can I say really? He has a big car and he likes Fli.
Btw, the size matters. If I go with a man in a small car, I feel very uncomfortable and just want to jump out.
Fli here is like Tacos in Sweden
Fli an Albanian dish that consists of multiple crepe-like layers brushed with cream and served with sour cream. But everyone here likes Fli, so it’s not like he is special from a food perspective.
People here are very serious about their Fli in the same way that Swedes are serious about our Friday tacos. Yeah, if you thought meatballs were our national dish you know nothing about Sweden.
Even during the hoarding Swedes were not just stocking up on toilet paper, but taco sauce too.
And a few days ago one of my Albanian/Swede celebrated her son’s birthday. Do you think they ate fli? No, they ate tacos!
Things gets out of control
So yeah, he likes fli. But this is when things gets out of control! I asked him if he liked some other food – and he said macaroni. WHAAAAT???!!!
OMG! You to be an intellectual or some cosmopolitan big shot who can name drop fancy restaurants in London and New York – You don’t have to take me to Bob Bob Ricard for cheese marinated oysters, champagne, and Russian caviar – But macaroni!??!?! As your favorite food???!!! NO!!!
This man likes Fli and only fli. Full stop.
Older men
He is also younger than the guys I usually like who’s around 50. I like older men because I like men who’ve been properly fucked up by life, who’ experienced all sorts of things and know true suffering.
My friend in Sweden just sent me the funniest list of older men, asking me if it’s true. You gotta read this! It’s so true:
- The don’t really know how to text on messenger and they write a lot of weird things with a lot of feelings.
- They use words no one else is using anymore
- When they speak it sounds like lines from 90’s soap operas
- They are way better than young men to fuck in a romantic way and they are not as porn damaged
THIS IS THE BEST LIST of older men I’ve ever seen! And especially number 4. So true!
The power swamp
Then I like these men with secret jobs, military, defense, intelligence, etc. Yeah, power. And I’ve been in this power swamp for years now and all my friends are just waiting for me to grow up.
They want me to meet a musician that reads books, always brings his own textile bags to the grocery store, and goes to art galleries.
The only problem with musicians is that they are so fucking narcissistic. One time Wynton Marsalis called and the guy answered the phone while he was still inside me.
I think I’m gonna stay in the power swamp a bit more. If someone calls, at least it’s about something important, like a bomb threat, not a fucking jazz tour.
I like to do the talking
My ex-boyfriend was in the war in Kosovo 1999, with NATO. He was here visiting me before we broke up. The only problem was that whenever we went out everyone wanted to talk about the war with him and I became this background figure.
Isn’t it a fucking dilemma when you like men who are great leaders and who other men want to listen to, while you at the same time just want them to be quiet and pour you wine while you are in charge of all the monologues?
A power struggle. Story of my life. But look at Big in Sex And The City. He is powerful, but he doesn’t talk too much. He don’t have to. That’s the kind of cool, laid-back, calm, and mature style I like. And his suits are great too.
And I like this Fli guy. He talks a lot, but he is a good listener too, which is not the most common personality trade amongst men in Kosovo.
I like when they listen
One time he started talking crap about gender equality and then I just lost it and told him to be quiet and listen.
And then I used my VERY VERY serious voice and did a full presentation about everything from domestic violence to human trafficking and organized crime.
He sat quiet and listened for almost a whole hour. Then when I finished, he said: “You know so much more about this than I do”.
I said “Yes” and then we had a long talk about it. And the vibe was super serious. And that’s exactly what I like – when men get serious.
He told me the most beautiful things. How he wanted to listen to me more and learn and read everything I write and understand my work.
I just looked at him in the middle of our conversation and thought “Wow, I really want you”.
Because isn’t that the most important thing when it comes to a man you like; That he tries to see you, tries to listen to you, tries to understand you, and tries to get to know you.
Even if you come from two different worlds.
Isn’t that still what makes you wanna be close to him? Isn’t that what intimacy is all about?
Whether he likes Fli, oysters – or even macaroni.
My name is Mirja Lakso. I am a writer... 