This is a story told by an 18-year old Albanian woman describing what it means being a virgin in Kosovo, and what is done to young Albanian women so that they stay virgins – anal sex and “stitching”.
(This is the woman’s story told with her own words. I have only created paragraphs and headlines to make it easier to read.)
Anal Sex Or They Stitch Her Vagina
If a girl wants to have sex. But doesn’t want to lose her virginity. She will let her partner have anal sex with her or they stitch her vagina. If you lose your virginity. They make u a virgin again.
Because virginity is such a huge thing, women who want sexual pleasure or to please their partner have anal sex. Even if it hurts, they do it no matter what.
So, there was a girl. Her boyfriend made her go to the doctors and stitch her vagina. To make her a virgin again.
Mostly young women do it. Unmarried. I don’t know what the procedure does, but I know it’s a big thing. It’s not just on the countryside.
Either You Are A Virgin Or A Whore
In Kosovo you need to be a virgin to get married. If you are not a virgin you are a hoe and no one will consider a serious relationship with you. Birth control is used only for medical reasons such as fixing your menstrual cycle or used by married women with children who don’t want any more children.
If a female has sex for pleasure with multiple partners men will see her as a tool. Everyone will find out because its a small country and people talk a lot.
So by men you will be respected and taken seriously only if you are a virgin rarely if you are not. If u are not a virgin the whole city knows and guys just play around with u.
Women who have sex for pleasure here are only “prostitutes” or females who get paid for sex.
Dating As A Virgin
Well as I said I’ve dated guys and I’ve spoken to many of them and to all of them virginity is a priority. Besides men that I’ve dated also male friends have openly said that a female that is not a virgin is not a female that they would ever marry or “bring home” to their parents.
To prove her worth here a woman has to be untouched sexually. In their words “Its attractive if she hasn’t given a chance to just anyone”. Women who are not virgins often never get married and women who are divorced are worthless.
Women’s Virginities Being Controlled
If you tell a guy you are a virgin and you have sex, but he sees that there was no blood they often send females to the doctors to check if she’s really a virgin or she lied.
They often lie to females that they will marry them and after they take their virginity, they leave them dishonourable. Many females here commit suicide if that happens.
If someone takes your virginity and doesn’t marry your worth is 0.
What if naked pics gets out?
Your life is over. Lol. Literally. Anything gets remember and talked about for years. When you become a mother. If that has happened to you when you were young.
Other friends of yours will tell their children she was a hoe her pictures spread out. And so it gets passed lol. So many girls’ pictures are still talked about. People gatekeep those kinds of videos and pictures. So, if someone says something to them. They can spread their pictures. It’s so dangerous.
There was a case. This guy had pics of this girls. And he told her if u don’t do something with me, I will spread them. She did. Then a friend of his told her the same thing, I have your pics if you don’t do something with me.
So, I think 3-4 boys did that to her and she was forced to do it with them. Until her brother found out or her dad I don’t know and reported it to the police. But if it was another dad or another brother the boys would be dead in a heartbeat.
Honor Killings
In the earlier years, girls have been killed by their fathers or even their brothers if ever caught with boys, because she dishonoured the family.
If the word spreads out that a girl is a “hoe” or not a virgin they often marry outside the state with Albanians that live in other states.
It’s such a small place that you can’t have multiple sex partners if you do you will be a “slut” therefore women don’t have sex for pleasure, only if married to a person they love.
Suicide and Rape
A man held this girl at gunpoint and forced her to have sexual intercourse with him. And a 33-year-old woman committed suicide a few days ago and left behind a small child because her husband and in-laws were treating her badly.
A woman with special needs was found in a mountain unconscious and raped. Another woman was found near a forest dead near Pristina also raped. A few months back her dead body was found abused and sexually assaulted.
In Pristina there are a lot of people and women get kidnapped raped killed. Because a lot more people. It’s a dangerous city for girls.
A few days back a girl in Albania I think talked to this guy online and went to “meet up” with him next day she was found hanging from the ceiling. Reason being unknown.
The Video That Went Viral
Yes, people often take videos. A video of a girl went viral. She was screaming like she was being killed. Being forced into a car by two men. And people were recording from the top of a flat. A few months back.
But they got caught the next day and arrested without doing harm to the girl. Thankfully the police are fast at cases like this.
Family Honour
So, there was this thing called “Kanuni i Leke Dukagjinit” which was a book of rules applied to Albanians and some still do some things by it. One was: If someone kills one of yours. You kill one of them.
So, if you harm one of a family, they either discuss it apologize and they maybe accept the apology. Or they take revenge by shootings. There are families who still shoot at each other.
But its normal here now. There’re fights between families. One was a few months ago maybe the last. Yeah and stabbings. Like a few weeks ago.
Only Sex With A Potential Father To A Potential Child
I do feel that if you want to have sex you have to be able to provide for a child if you get pregnant. So, no sex till marriage in my opinion because I’ve been raised in such culture and mentality. It’s not religious its cultural.
See now I am an attractive female and I’m a virgin but I’ve dated guys. Why haven’t I had sex with them. Because they weren’t worth it. Because I know my worth. Every girl should know her worth and not just have sex with anyone, because sex is a connection.
Because I believe that the person you would have sex would be so good that he could be the father to your children.
If Someone “Had” A Girl She Becomes Worthless
So, a guy has sex with a girl then he tells his mate I had her then he tells another friend bro my friend had her and so on and so on.
She becomes worthless cause someone “had” her. Because even if u talk to a guy. He can spread rumours about you. And everyone will think u actually dated. When in reality you texted a few days.
So, you got be careful who you talk to who you trust.
This was a story told by an 18-year old woman in Kosovo.
Do you have a story to share? Feel free to contact me on social media or on: mirja_lakso@hotmail.com
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My name is Mirja Lakso. I am a writer... 
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