The new song “Bride, Teacher” has caused heated debate recently on social media. Women have reported the song to YouTube due to its oppressive lyrics towards women. The singer Gresa Behluli has defended the lyrics as being sarcastic, something activist Luljeta Aliu is not buying.
Two weeks ago, the Albanian song “Bride, Teacher” was released by the singers Shkurte Fejza and Gresa Behluli, mother and daughter. The song, written by Ilir Berani, has resulted in heated discussions on social media with many accusing the lyrics for being oppressive and abusive towards women.
This week the organization Kosovar Gender Studies Center created a call-to-action post on Instagram where they encouraged people to report the song on YouTube for “hateful or abusive content”. This is how they describe the problems with the song:
“A song which, in addition to reducing women to traditional gender roles, is oppressive for women, as it promotes violence against women as a mean of disciplining them”.
Since that many women have started to report the song to YouTube while expressing their disgust and anger towards the lyrics in different groups on social media. Others have defended the song and accused the negative comments for being silly overreactions and attacks on Albanian culture.
A manual for the new bride
In Albanian culture the new bride usually moves into the husband’s family home and the song “Bride, Teacher” is a song explaining how the new bride should behave in order not to disappoint or upset the husband’s family members.
With lyrics such as example “You are the youngest in this house. Someone is older and knows much more than you” and “Choose words soft like honey if you don’t want things to be bad”, many view the lyrics to normalizing the oppression and the violence against women.
Luljeta Aliu wants revolutionary songs about the oppression of women
The singer Gresa Behluli defended herself on Instagram on Wednesday claiming the lyrics to be satirical and an ironic representation of different worldviews between generations – and in no way discriminatory.
Kosovar activist Luljeta Aliu sees Gresa Behliuli’s response as an after construction.
– I don’t believe that it’s true that it’s satirical. I believe that they didn’t really think it through, the impact of their text, she says.
Luljeta Aliu continues explaining how she thinks the text is naive and shows a lack of understanding of what’s really going on when it comes to women’s fight for gender equality in Kosovo. At the same time, she remembers Shkurte Fejza’s previous work.
– I really appreciate what Shkurte Fejza sang about before the war. I would like her to go on with her revolutionary texts, but now against the oppression of women, Luljeta Alius says.
Luljeta Aliu continues talking about how she believes that Shkurte Fejza could actually inspire women to fight for their rights if only her lyrics were empowering of women.
– I hope she didn’t sing those freedom songs about how Kosovo should be a free country – only for men. If she didn’t, we need her to sing about the oppression of women, so that we can be free too.
“The lyrics are a reflection of the problems within our culture”
Another woman not believing the intentions of the song was sarcasm is Adeline Ibisi. She implies that 80% of Albanian songs are anti-feminist, but that the conversation needs to go beyond just discussing the lyrics.
– The lyrics are catastrophic, but not the main problem. The lyrics are a reflection of the problems within our culture and that’s what we need to speak about, she says.
Adeline Ibisi continues explaining how she believes most people would agree with this song’s lyrics. That as soon as you are married you need to wake up early each morning to serve people and how the bride needs to be submissive in her new family.
She continues trying to paint a whole picture of what the problem looks like. She speaks about the importance of talking about what is really going on within families, men’s violence against women and the fact that there are men killing young women.
– The killings are a result of a strict idea of an honorable woman. And sometimes if she doesn’t fit in there, then bang, Adeline Ibisi says.
Reactions on the debate
Some think that the debate of the song is attacking Albanian traditions, others think the reactions are taken out of proportions. One of the persons who don’t agree with the criticism is Andi Descarets. He thinks that there is no need to attack something you don’t agree with.
– We have to understand the viewpoints of others on certain matters, the viewpoints expressed in the song. It’s not a big deal.” he says.
Another person who is reacting on the debate is Yllka Cameron. She reacts on the fact that there are two women who get all this criticism, while male artist have been singing misogynistic songs for years and way worse.
– I would like to see another approach on this debate. Mainly I would like us to pay closer attention to the lyrics sung by male artist, Yllka Cameron says.
Common with Albanian misogynistic songs
Women who criticize the song on social media also discuss that this song is not an exception, on the contrary, it has a misogynistic and violent message like many other Albanian songs.
In the song “A Kishe Zemër” the male artist brags about how his mother raised him so well that he is not beating a woman even if she deserves it. “Believe me, you deserve it, to slap you. But I’m not that guy, because my mum raised me well with love”.
“Light My Cigarette” is another example, a song that explains how the husband threatens to cut the tongue of his new wife if she angers his mother.
– The song “Light My Cigarette” is extremely popular during the first dance of the bride and groom, Adeline Ibisi says.
Adeline Ibisi explains how the groom sits down in a chair and the bride lights his cigarette during the song. Mostly, she explains, the mum also comes to dance next to them during the song, while the people are sitting in a circle clapping to the music.
– The song continues with “I will wake up early, make your bed and give you food.” But people don’t see it as anti-feminist. It’s a cultural accepted thing, she says.
Brides speak out
While Gresa Behluli defends the lyrics for being sarcastic, many can relate to the lyrics describing the brides low ranking in the family as a reality rather than just a joke.
Albanian woman Fatime Arifi, living in Sweden, who is going to be a bride in January is deeply provoked by the lyrics.
– I went in on the singers Instagram and saw Albanian women commenting. They wrote that it is a good lyrics that younger women should learn from. Very upsetting, she says.
The lyrics at the end of the song “You shall respect your mother-in-law. If you respect your mother-in-law your parents will be honoured” is something that Albanian author Rina Tahiraj remembers from her own experience of being a new bride.
– When I came to my husband’s family, I was exactly like the bride they sing about. I was subordinated to everyone else, having to obey the orders and wishes of others, she explains.
In an earlier published article “Rina’s Story” Rina Tahiraj describes how her darkest nightmare started during the wedding night and how she had to hide her anxiety and hurt feelings due to all the expectations of her as a new bride in her husband’s family:
”When he angrily left the bedroom, I couldn’t think about anything else than how he could do this to me. I didn’t understand anything, when I was accused of bringing shame to his part of the family.
I was accused of not fulfilling what an honorable woman should do during the wedding night. I have no idea of when I fell asleep, but I’m sure that I didn’t get more than a few hours of sleep before my mother-in-law woke me up 5.30 the following morning.
I noticed directly through her facial expression that he had already told his family about the wedding night. She looked at me with hate in her eyes.
This was the same day as women from my husband’s family were invited to see me display national costumes and long dresses wearing high heels.
Pretending to smile was the best thing I could do to hide the pain in front of over 20 women sitting there discussing the wedding while I was serving them coffee.”
Other reactions:
“To claim that a woman shall subordinate and obey the family is a clear sign of how a normalization of an oppression starts. This is shameful, to express such an oppression through music.” – Diana Tahiri
“It’s not promoting violence directly, but it’s recalling the previous traditions that often are a cause of violence.” – Besa Luzha
Bride, Teacher
“Oh, bride, you are like a teacher. In the man’s house you want to teach. You don’t agree with what your mother-in-law says. You don’t agree with what you sister-in-law says. Oh, bride you are glowing. You are the youngest in this house. Someone is older and knows much more than you.
The words can destroy. The words can fix. Choose words soft like honey. If you don’t want things to be bad. Choose words soft like honey. Oh bride, our beloved bride.
The girls are breaking the drum for you. With so much joy they have been waiting for you. And therefore, don’t destroy their joy.
Speak soft and be patient. Your mother thought you so, you bride. You shall respect your mother-in-law. If you respect your mother-in-law your parents will be honoured.”
Written by: Mirja Lakso
(Did you appreciate this post or other posts on my blog, feel free to support me via Swish: 0702592670 or with as little as 3 dollars per month on my Patreon. With your support I can write more! Thank you!)
My name is Mirja Lakso. I am a writer... 